Danny's Reflections
by carmenobscura
Summary: Danny thinks about her feelings toward Laura over the course of Season 1. Rated T for occasional language.


This is a stream of consciousness style one-shot for Danny, set during Season 1 of Carmilla. I'm a big Danny fan and I don't entirely understand her undying devotion to Laura, so I wanted to create something that could flesh out her character a bit more and show what she is hoping to accomplish during the first season. Also, I apologize for the formatting. It's been a while since I've posted here and I think the set up has changed. If anyone knows a good way to display breaks between paragraphs/thoughts, please let me know.

Rated T for occasional language.

* * *

Danny Lawrence, you had one rule: don't fall in love.

* * *

I can't say when exactly it started.

I first met Laura in English Lit. I was her TA.

Laura is not demure, certainly not a wallflower. She's one of those gifted few who can speak up in the first days of class and make thoughtful observations, challenge our reading of the text. That _could_ have drawn me to her in the beginning.

But that would be too easy, wouldn't it? To say that her intellect and ready hand in the air was what did it. No, I think it was a combination of that along with her…exuberance. No one has ever been so ready to learn, to participate, to create. She's brimming, spilling over with light and life and imagination.

That's what did it. That's what got me.

* * *

At first, I was prepared to avoid her. I would see her in class and say hello, but I wouldn't reach out. I had a rule and I wasn't about to break it.

But as these things always go, we bumped into each other. And as these go at Silas, we bumped into each other at a Town Hall.

Yes, I stood up. I spoke on behalf of Betty, because she is a sister and sister's stand together. But I was also speaking for Laura. Because no one should stand against the Dean alone.

* * *

I didn't have to go back to her room, and I certainly didn't have to shower there.

I didn't have to offer to help her find Betty.

But I did.

And here we are.

* * *

I don't know what to say about Carmilla. The administration couldn't have found a person more unlike Laura. I don't think she even goes to class.

Laura complains about her constantly. To the point of, "If you love her so much, why don't you marry her?"

But that's just the jealousy talking.

It isn't fair that Carmilla, of all people, gets to share a room with her.

* * *

Why do I want to protect her?

She's throwing herself into this project with complete conviction and abandon. For some people at Silas, that can work for them. Alchemy creeps for one, Zeta boneheads for another. But Laura is like a bright light, with her sense of right and wrong. It's infectious, how she's gotten me and Perry and LaFontaine to go on this ride with her. I want her to succeed. I want her to find what she's looking for, maybe even save the day.

Silas is the kind of place that can take a light like that and snuff it out.

I _never_ want to see that light go out.

* * *

Seduction eyes. It pisses me off just to think about it.

I have every right to be mad. I don't want to get a text when things have gone from bad to worse. I can help. She should let me help, not just run off to the library or confront the Dean whenever she feels like it.

I know, I know she can handle herself. She told me about her dad and Karv Maga and the bear spray, but this is Silas. She is one wrong turn away from falling into a pit or wandering forever through the catacombs. I've got a couple years in my belt and the strength of the Summer Society on my side. I'm an ally.

Why didn't she call me?

* * *

There was no way in hell I was just gonna let her offer herself like a slab of meat to that brooding Edward wannabe. Of course I went to stop it and good thing I did because she was seconds away from becoming Carmilla's late night snack.

Or kissing her.

* * *

Every time she says something to me, something like, "I've got everything under control," I can feel myself shutting down.

She's letting a vampire control her life. She's trying to singlehandedly stop the Dean from kidnapping and murdering young women. She's practically throwing herself into danger.

Am I wrong? Am I wrong to worry and to doubt? She says she has it under control, but I can't sleep at night. I can't stop thinking about her. I want to keep her safe. I want to run my fingers through her hair and kiss her and tell her that everything will be alright.

I do not have everything under control.

* * *

I understand where she's coming from. I know that she's capable, that she can take care of herself. I don't think of her as a child.

I think of her as innocent. Not in a childlike way, but because of her sense of righteousness. She's been at Silas for a couple of months and she feels it is her duty to change things. Who else in the history of this university has ever tried to change things? The rest of us have just rolled along in the wave of bizarre events, mysterious disappearances, and random deaths. In the Summer Society, we run around and we hunt but we keep the status quo. Same with the Zetas and the Alchemy Club. But Laura is different. She wants to do what's right, not just for herself but for everyone.

I feel inspired by her. I want to change things. I want to fight by her side.

Even as I watch her fall in love with someone else.

* * *

No free passes.

I don't know what I fucking thought. She wanted me to come over. She asked to see me. What was I thinking? That she suddenly realized that Carmilla was a sarcastic stick-in-the-mud who only cares for herself? Of course not. Of course she didn't want to see _me_ , she wanted to see her TA and ask for an extension.

So yeah, I got pissed. I reacted badly. But when I see her now, it's like I'm speaking to her _and_ Carmilla. She's always there, lurking over Laura's shoulder. I can't escape her.

I don't know what Carmilla has, but apparently it's something that I lack. Maybe it's that brooding air of mystery. Or maybe my devotion is too up front. Even though I can care of her just as well, if not better. But that's not enough.

I'm not enough.

* * *

But when it comes down to it, I will do whatever she asks me to do, because I am completely undone by her. When I break my own rules, I break them hard.

She might use me. She might love someone else. But I love her. Despite my efforts and my better sensibilities, I love her and I will always do what's right by her.

So when she texts me to bring stakes, I will bring the fucking stakes.

* * *

Yes, I rescued Carmilla from the pit. I didn't do it for her. I did it for Laura.

* * *

LaFontaine told me that Laura actually had a crush on me, way before all this started.

That feels so long ago. I almost can't remember it.

* * *

Danny Lawrence, you have one rule: you can protect her. You can save her when the need arises. You can even love her, despite the pain it causes you. But you can never tell her.


End file.
